I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
