grandma shit on top of the toilet
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
