Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
