Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
