It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
