the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
