either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
