Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
