My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
