did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
