WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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