I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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