He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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