either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
