Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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