this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
