that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
