THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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