Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize