Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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