You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
