dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We have started to decorate penises.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
