I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
