The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
