You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
