can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
