Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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