Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
