so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
