omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
