Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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