someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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