There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
