i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
