She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
dude. I can hear the air.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
