so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
