you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize