he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
