Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
