no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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