Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
