Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
