One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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