So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
