i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
