i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
