I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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