if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
