My brain says no but my pants say off.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
