dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
