8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your cock deserves a montage
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
