What a fucking waste of an outfit
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
