So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
now i know why i became what i already was.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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