the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
