you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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