i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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