ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
