I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
