Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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