On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
