thus making me awesome and them whores
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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