Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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