just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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